The Uniform Female Clothes Sizing Act of 2008

There oughta be a law....

All textiles and shoes produced and marketed for sale to women in the United States shall conform to uniform sizing parameters established by the Surgeon General and based upon objective scales of measurement (such as inches or centimeters). Said sizes shall be uniform across designers, brands, and colors. There shall be one scale running from 0 to 100 in single number increments. A private cause of action shall be created in favor of the female consumer (or male gift-givers) for violations of this act causing emotional harm or psychological disorders, for compensatory damages, including shipping fees, physical and emotional harm (from trying to squeeze into inadequately sized garments or sudden garment failure), loss of consortium, having to sleep on the sofa, and marriage counseling costs, including attorneys fees, court costs, and alcohol expenditures necessary to drown sorrows.

This will:

1) Vastly improve the mental health of the female populace.
2) Vastly improve the mental health of their husbands and boyfriends.
3) Save millions of dollars in misguided purchases and return shipping fees.
4) Make it possible for husbands and boyfriends to buy gifts of clothing for their women without risking a traumatic domestic violence incident.

I expect hearty support from the female congressional delegation - Senators Snowe and Collins, are you listening?